Fliperati

Given that there are a couple major projects I’ll need to undertake in order to complete the renovation of my first flip house, my agent wisely suggested I contact the township building department to learn which projects would require a permit and how to go about getting one.  He even suggested seeing if I could get the department supervisor to stop by the property and take a quick walk-through with me to get on his/her good side and perhaps smooth the process.  Even as a novice I knew that it would probably be a bit of a fantasy to get a building official out to the property for sign-off on all my projects in a single visit, but I liked the idea and thought it couldn’t hurt to give it a shot.

Well, I quickly learned that the simple act of getting somebody from the township on the phone is nearly impossible, so I completely gave up on getting someone to come by the property.  Although the recorded message at the township building department states that “Your call is very important to us,” that statement must have been recorded under a different administration because it was clear to me when I called that nobody gave a rat’s ass about me and my questions, despite my stated desire to do everything “by the book.”  After a week of trying, I was finally able to get some answers regarding one of the major projects: the reconstruction of the dilapidated detached 1-car garage in the backyard.  Actually, “dilapidated” is a very generous term in this case, because the garage is literally on the brink of collapsing under its own weight.  The entire frame is rotted through and the roots of a large tree are tearing through the foundation and rear wall of the structure.  It also has a built-in skylight, courtesy of a large patch of rotted roofing that has led way to a gaping hole in the ceiling.

This is why I found it laughable when I learned that I can’t even tear down the garage without a permit, especially given the stated purpose of the permit process as a means of ensuring safe structures in the township.  Walking into this garage would be taking your life into your own hands, but the township won’t let me demolish it without their pre-approval.  Even better, if I do demolish it, I must immediately reconstruct a similar structure (after I have gotten the plans approved following the 4-6 week review process and received a permit for the new garage, of course).  Hilarious!  Maybe it will just mysteriously fall over in the night shortly after I close on the house.  You can’t force the wind to apply for a permit before blowing over a flimsy old shack.

On a less cynical note, none of this was unexpected and I knew very well when I set out to renovate this place that the permitting process would not be fun.  Also, I learned that they have a fairly liberal interpretation of “cosmetic” interior changes (not requiring permits) and that I could have a dumpster parked in my yard or driveway without a permit as long as it is not full to the brim or on the property for an extended period of time, so the news wasn’t all bad.  Now if only a wind storm could sweep through north Jersey in the next few weeks…